For as long as I can remember, I have had a problem in my relationship with God. I daresay, we all have something in our walks with God which He keeps bringing to the forefront of our lives compelling us to work on and improve. For some, it's a sin we repeatedly do, even when we don't want to. For others, it's an issue of belief about a certain characteristic of God they struggle to believe. My problem falls in the second category, although truth be told, it's a sin because I'm not fully trusting what God says in His Word. I struggle to believe God loves me with an unfailing love. "How can that be," one might wonder. It's not that I doubt God's love for others. I have doubted God's love for me.
As with all things, God has been growing me in this area for years. He started by helping me see that He didn't love me because He had to, as if I was the black sheep of the family of God and loving me was His job. He then helped me see that I am very special to Him, no less special than anyone else. From there, we moved on to trusting that His love will always be there no matter what I do. On and on, He and I have worked to remove all the lies Satan has led me to believe. Recently, I told a friend I felt as if God had placed me in a spiritual boot camp. He and I have been working hard to rid my mind once and for all of the last few lies which have held me back in truly believing and accepting God's perfect love for me, an imperfect person.
As with all things, God has been growing me in this area for years. He started by helping me see that He didn't love me because He had to, as if I was the black sheep of the family of God and loving me was His job. He then helped me see that I am very special to Him, no less special than anyone else. From there, we moved on to trusting that His love will always be there no matter what I do. On and on, He and I have worked to remove all the lies Satan has led me to believe. Recently, I told a friend I felt as if God had placed me in a spiritual boot camp. He and I have been working hard to rid my mind once and for all of the last few lies which have held me back in truly believing and accepting God's perfect love for me, an imperfect person.
I have to admit, this last part of the lie that kept me from walking in confidence in God's love, has been the hardest one to remove and replace with God's truth. You see, I knew in my head that just because I'm sick doesn't mean God loves me less than others, but my heart kept hearing the faintest of whispers that questioned if it was really true. I couldn't help but look at all of I've been through. Not only was I diagnosed with an incurable disease my senior year of high school, but a year ago I was diagnosed with a second disease. I had to quit my job, move in with my parents, become quite isolated at a young age, and became broke and dependant on others. If God truly loves me just as much as anyone else, then why in the world has my life become so broken?
There are many answers to this question, and none of them easy. But the biggest one which began to open my eyes to the truth is I have lived my whole life with a distorted view of love. And it's not because I come from a horrible family. I am greatly blessed in this regard, but I have unknowingly adopted the American viewpoint which says love makes the person loved always feel good and happy. Never have I been more wrong, and so thankful that God has taken the time to show me the truth.
Truthfully, at twenty-seven years old, I have lived a harder life than some people will ever experience in a lifetime. Yet as hard as life has been, I wouldn't change my life for all the world. You see, if it weren't for this disease, I wouldn't have been given the past three years of uninterrupted time so that I could pour all my time and energy in my relationship with God and growing as His daughter. He has helped me unlock the chains that have bound me and kept me prisoner. Yes, without lupus and Crohns my life would be different, but I don't think it would be better. This may surprise many, but I think it would have been worse. Oh, I would have had all that we Americans say a person needs to be happy. I would have my independence, my health, some money saved in the bank and no medical debt hanging over my head. I would have a job and a place of my own. I might even be married and have children had I not been sick. But looking back at all the ways God has changed and grown me as an individual because of the last three years, I can honestly say I don't think I would have been truly happy had my life been different.
I have spoken with many people who have suffered just as much if not more than I have, and like me, many wonder if God loves them a fraction less than He loves the rest of the world. And my challenge to you today is to ask God to show you the truth of His unfailing love for you. I promise, you won't be disappointed, and your life will never be the same.
"Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love." ~ John 15:9
(c) October 26, 2011
There are many answers to this question, and none of them easy. But the biggest one which began to open my eyes to the truth is I have lived my whole life with a distorted view of love. And it's not because I come from a horrible family. I am greatly blessed in this regard, but I have unknowingly adopted the American viewpoint which says love makes the person loved always feel good and happy. Never have I been more wrong, and so thankful that God has taken the time to show me the truth.
Truthfully, at twenty-seven years old, I have lived a harder life than some people will ever experience in a lifetime. Yet as hard as life has been, I wouldn't change my life for all the world. You see, if it weren't for this disease, I wouldn't have been given the past three years of uninterrupted time so that I could pour all my time and energy in my relationship with God and growing as His daughter. He has helped me unlock the chains that have bound me and kept me prisoner. Yes, without lupus and Crohns my life would be different, but I don't think it would be better. This may surprise many, but I think it would have been worse. Oh, I would have had all that we Americans say a person needs to be happy. I would have my independence, my health, some money saved in the bank and no medical debt hanging over my head. I would have a job and a place of my own. I might even be married and have children had I not been sick. But looking back at all the ways God has changed and grown me as an individual because of the last three years, I can honestly say I don't think I would have been truly happy had my life been different.
I have spoken with many people who have suffered just as much if not more than I have, and like me, many wonder if God loves them a fraction less than He loves the rest of the world. And my challenge to you today is to ask God to show you the truth of His unfailing love for you. I promise, you won't be disappointed, and your life will never be the same.
"Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love." ~ John 15:9
(c) October 26, 2011
RSS Feed