By Josie Siler

Do you remember the games you used to play as a kid? What was your favorite? Was it playing dress-up or cashier or the politically incorrect Cowboys and Indians? Maybe you formed your own club with a clubhouse and dues that were used to buy candy at the local store. As children, our imaginations ran wild and we thought up all kinds of games to play and stories to tell. We can do the same thing when it comes to living with chronic illness. Chronic illness can be incredibly stressful, and there are times when we don’t know how to respond to something that has shaken up our life. We deny what is happening or we pretend it really isn’t as bad as it seems. It’s almost like a game, trying to keep ahead of the darkness that would descend upon us if we stopped and looked our illness in the face. But it isn’t a game. It’s life. It’s our life. The only way to beat the darkness is to confront it and ask God to help us walk in His light.

Last week in the post “Living in the Light,” I wrote that we can choose to live in the light of Christ instead of allowing ourselves to be swallowed up by the darkness. The Holy Spirit helps us renew our thoughts and attitudes as well as put on a new nature that is created to be like God – righteous and holy. The Apostle Paul, the author of Ephesians, continues on with that thought in verse 25. It reads, “What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.”

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Weak. Sickly. Puny. Fragile. Delicate. What comes to mind when you read these words? I can’t help but wonder how many of you thought about yourself and your chronic illness. We’ve probably all heard these words used to describe us and our health at least once; I know I have. Personally, I hate these words. I cringe whenever I hear them. I have been sick for almost eleven years, and I’ve lost count of the number of times these words have been used to describe me. Maybe one of the reasons why I hate these words so much is because of what our culture believes.

We Americans are taught at a young age that our goals in life should be to make money, become a force in which to be reckoned, and become a huge success. Yet living with a chronic illness changes all of that. We’re often too sick to work and make money, let alone become powerful or a huge success. It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with feelings of low self-worth! According to our world’s standards, we have nothing of value to contribute to society. But God doesn’t judge us according to what others say or think. When God looks at us, He doesn’t see sickly, weak people with no value. To Him, we are more than an illness and a broken body. Yet far too often, we forget this truth and judge ourselves in the same way the world does. We allow our diseases to define who we are and forget that a weak body doesn’t mean we have a weak spirit and mind. Yet some of the most brilliant minds in history came in the form of “weak” bodies. Beethoven was deaf and had an intestinal disease. Hellen Keller was blind and deaf. Stephen Hawking, who is considered to be a modern-day Albert Einstein, can’t even speak without the aid of a computer. Yet in spite of every challenge and obstacle these people faced, they chose to persevere and become more than the world said they could be.

By Josie Siler

Have you ever experienced total and complete darkness? When I was in high school I worked at a local drug store. One of my jobs there was to help develop photos. The process was done mostly by machines, but there was one step that forced me into total darkness. When the big machine ran out of photo paper the roll would have to be replaced in total darkness. I would remove the container holding the used up roll and go into a back room that was totally dark. I tried everything to trick myself into thinking I could see something. I waved my hand in front of my face while wiggling my fingers, I opened and closed my eyes quickly, but nothing – I was in total and complete darkness, trusting my hands to do the work that my eyes could not see.

Nine years later I found myself sleeping under the stars in the Sahara Desert. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. As the sun set and the darkness grew, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. I’m a small town girl and have had the privilege of living in places where the city lights didn’t drown out the stars. However my eyes have never seen anything as beautiful as that pitch black sky illuminated by thousands of the brightest stars I have ever seen. I didn’t want to close my eyes and sleep; I knew that when I woke up the splendor of that night would be gone.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Well, it’s here – the three verses in Philippians that I've been dreading. Dreading? Yes, you read this correctly. Since we began our study in the book of Philippians, I have been dreading the time when I would have to write on Philippians 4:10-12. I know; people are supposed to love every verse in the Bible because it’s God’s Holy Word, but God is still growing me into who I need to be, and these three verses touch on a subject that I’m not particularly fond of, and I imagine I’m not alone in this sentiment. So let’s all be brave and take an honest look at what God has to say about the subject of finances.

I imagine some of you just tensed up when you read the word “finances.” Unfortunately, chronic illnesses don’t just affect our bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits. At some point in most of our lives, our chronic illnesses will have a negative impact on our finances. Even if a person has insurance, medical bills have the tendency to accumulate. For me, this happened four years ago. When my body began to shut down from the lupus and Crohns, I had to quit my job, move in with my parents, and visit doctor after doctor in hopes of finding a resolution to my sickness. Tests were ran, procedures completed, and medicines given, but nothing helped. It didn’t take long for my savings account to run out, and I was left with a pile of medical debt. Sadly, the bill collectors didn’t have empathy for my situation. In their minds, if I was alive and able to talk on the telephone, then I must be well enough to work and give them their money.

By Josie Siler

Most of us can recall times when God sent us a message using so many different means that we knew it had to be Him speaking to us, teaching us something so important that He clearly went out of His way to make sure we got the message. I have been experiencing just such a time in my life. It all started with the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. If you remember, John wrote the popular book Wild At Heart. He later co-authored Captivating with his wife Stasi. This book was also very popular…which is why I refused to read it for so many years. There is a rebellious streak in me that wants to discover things on my own and if everyone is reading it, I don’t want to.

A few months ago I saw the book Captivating on sale. I purchased it, thinking that maybe I should read it after all. I was amazed that the authors knew my deepest thoughts and feelings. If only I had read the book years ago…. It focuses on the heart of a woman that wants to be wooed and romanced and pursued. The authors shared how God sees us as His bride – His beautiful, stunning, perfect bride that He is pursuing and romancing. This book helped me see God in an entirely new way. I had viewed God as sovereign creator, friend, defender, all sorts of things. Now I see Him as a lover as well. Does that shock you? It shocked me! However, if I am really the bride of Christ, then yes, He is my lover. He is someone who finds me breathtakingly beautiful, and He is wooing me to Himself.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

We've all heard the saying, “A penny for your thoughts.” Yet I can’t help but wonder what people would say if they ever truly got to see the many thoughts floating through my mind. Would they be shocked? Appalled? Outraged? They may even simply be amazed at the sheer quantity of things rolling through my mind at the same time. But if we’re honest, there are some thoughts we hope will never be made public, particularly for those of us living with a chronic illness.

When a person deals with suffering on a daily basis, it’s not always easy to stay upbeat and positive. Sometimes, our thoughts can become quite dark. We wonder if life will ever get easier, if we matter, and if God even cares what happens to us. The problem with this line of thinking is that once we begin to have these types of thoughts, it’s hard to stop.

By Josie Siler

What is it about chronic illness that makes the holidays feel, let’s just say, less than holy? From the time I was a child, it seems like every year I would get sick over Christmas break. I would miss parties and family get-togethers and candlelight services at church. Now that I’m an adult I still dread the holidays from a physical standpoint. I wonder if I’m going to get sick again this year and how bad it’s going to be. I wonder what things I’m going to have to miss and who’s going to be disappointed in me.  (Yes, you read that right, I said“disappointed in me” not “disappointed that I couldn’t be there” which makes all the difference.) 

If I feel this way, I’m sure many of you do as well, so let’s address it; let’s talk about the oversized, not so adorable elephant in the room. There are things that happen over the holidays that can cause incredibly strong emotions in those of us who are chronically ill. Sometimes there is an outburst, other times we just stuff the feelings deeper because it’s too difficult to express them. We come to the point in life where we need to prioritize and take calculated risks. Chronic illnesses don’t behave properly with the stress of the holidays and extra gatherings to attend. For many of us, every time we leave our home we are taking a risk. We risk crossing paths with that person who has the flu or a nasty cold that is an inconvenience to them but could do serious damage to our less than healthy body. Every time we think about going out we have to ask ourselves, “Is it worth it?”