By Erin Elizabeth Austin

I’m broken. There’s no doubt about it. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been told by a medical professional that I’m a walking miracle and should donate by body to science after I die because I shouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning. It would be easier to list the things in my body that work properly rather than the things that don’t. For years, I’ve focused on all that is run-down, worn out, and broken in my life rather than on the positive, and it’s time for it to stop!

To be fair, when living with a chronic illness, we’re asked on a regular basis to do just that. Doctors want to know what’s wrong in our bodies and all the ways we’re struggling. Friends want to know if we’re feeling sick this week. Churches want to know if they should put us on their prayer list so they can pray over what ails us. By themselves, these things aren’t bad, but as time passes and years spent living with an illness fly by, it becomes easier to start the day by thinking about what’s wrong than it is to think about what is right.

You’re sick. You owe us money. I need you to do something. Over and over we are assaulted with problems and things people expect from us on days we feel so bad we simply want to go back to bed and hide. The world places its demands at our feet and we are left feeling overwhelmed, seeing the negative, dealing with fears and doubts, and asking the never-ending question…What can I do? 

I think if we’re honest, we’ve all had this thought at some point or another. We’re taught that our lives have a purpose, that we wouldn’t be here if God didn’t want to use us. But we’re broken. Our bodies are messed up and our lives are filled with challenges. Some of us are sick. Some of us have been beaten up by the numerous problems life has thrown our way. Some of us are just down-right tired. We’re tired of fighting to survive. So how could God possibly want to use people like us when all we are is a broken vessel?

We become so enamored with our problems and how difficult something is that we forget how great God is. If you study the Bible, you’ll see that the people God used the most were often the most broken. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own family and then wrongly thrown in jail after being accused of a crime he didn’t commit. Joshua was a nomad for forty years, forced to wander the desert and watch as his family and friends died one by one, including his mentor. David was devalued by his own family and then forced to go into hiding to save his life from an insane king. And these are just a few. All of these men were broken by circumstances beyond their control, and yet God used them!

Instead of starting the day by questioning what we can do, we need to ask God what He wants to do. It sounds so simple, but every time I ask God how He wants to use me today, He always surprises me with something new. Just this morning I got a phone call asking me to take a pack of ginger ale and crackers to friends whose entire family had been taken out by a stomach bug. To them, it didn’t matter that I didn’t feel like wearing my contacts instead of my glasses, or that I showed up wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Instead of being a plain-old, broken Erin, I was an answer to a prayer.

That’s what God does! He can and wants to use each of us. To Him, you’re not a pathetic, worthless piece of junk. You have value to God and His kingdom. So your life has challenges? Whose doesn’t? If you obsess on how long it takes you to complete a task, you’ll never accomplish anything.

You’re ALIVE!!! It’s time to act like it! There will come a day when you’re not, but until it happens, you need to live. Don’t spend your life waiting to die. Choose to live!

​“This day is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvelous to see! This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. O Lord, please help us. Save us. Give us success.” ~ Psalm 118:23-25 (TLB)

By Josie Siler

When I was a kid I used to play a game with my big brother involving rubber bands and fingers. You’ve probably played it too. You take a rubber band, loop it around your thumb, and hook it around your pointer finger. Aim at your sibling, drop your thumb, and – SNAP! The rubber band shoots across the room looking for an eye to poke out.
 
Of course this is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. It’s one of those great games that often ended in a big fight. There was another problem with this game. You just can’t trust a rubber band. There were times when I stretched the band so far that it broke, injuring myself instead of my brother.
 
The key to the game was to get the tension just right. Too little tension and it wouldn’t go far, too much and it would break. This took the right sized rubber band, a steady hand, and no shortage of bravery.
 
You know, sometimes I feel like that rubber band. I feel as if I’m living in a land of tension, being pulled thin and about to burst forth into my future, yet being held back by the thumb of God.

“Not yet,” He says. “Wait for iiiiiiiit…” He whispers, with a smirk on His face.
 
I know that God isn’t cruel. He’s not smirking because He enjoys tormenting me. He’s smirking because He sees the bigger picture. He knows what comes next and when the perfect time is to let me loose so I can shoot across the room and hit my target.
 
Life is full of tension. God’s Word is full of tension. It’s a balance of now, but not yet. It can be infuriating! But it’s also beautiful. I’ve discovered three keys to living in the tension of a rubber band life.
 
First, we must trust. We must trust that God knows what He’s doing and that He knows what’s best. We must trust His timing, and most importantly, we must trust Him. We don’t trust people we don’t know, so in order to trust God we need to get to know Him. We do this by talking to Him and reading the Book He wrote for us, the Bible. 

Second, we must believe. We must believe God’s promises to us, and we must believe that He will keep those promises. There are literally thousands of promises in the Bible. Do you believe them?
 
Third, we must hope. Hope is such a glorious word. According to Merriam-Webster, “hope” means “to cherish a desire with anticipation.” It also means “to expect with confidence” – a definition which links back to the word “trust.”
 
When we trust and believe God, we can confidently expect Him to fulfill His promises to us. Promises such as:
 
And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20, NLT)
 
Whatever you ask in My name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it. (John 14:13-14, ESV)
 
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27, ESV)
 
There are so many promises of God. Look them up, discover them for yourself, and treasure them! (Remember to keep God’s Word in context, read several verses before and after the promise to make sure you understand what God’s saying.)
 
When we remember to trust, believe, and hope, we can cherish our desires with anticipation. We can be confident that God will answer our prayers asked in His Name because He is faithful. This is more than adding, “In Jesus’ Name, Amen” to our prayer for a million dollars. These are prayers that align with God’s heart and His Word. These, my friends, are prayers we can cherish and eagerly look forward to being answered in God’s perfect timing.
 
I know it’s hard to wait, to live in the tension of a rubber band life. But it’s worth it. Oh the joy that will come when our patience and faithfulness has been rewarded! One day all will be made right. One day God will drop His thumb and we’ll fly through the air to the future He has for us.
 
I don’t know what that will look like for any of us. Maybe we’ll land in the lap of our future spouse, maybe we’ll land in the doctor’s office with a miraculous clean bill of health, or maybe our destination will be the lap of Jesus as we enter into the joy of Heaven.
 
We have a grand future to look forward to, but we also have today. We can’t ignore today because we’re too busy waiting for the future. After all, today was the future last month! Each day is another day God has given us to be alive, worship, and glorify Him.
 
When it comes down to it, I don’t know much – but I do know this: God is in control, He is good, and His timing is perfect. Do you trust Him? Do you believe Him? Will you choose to live a life of hope?

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

“I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one. Oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see.” If you ever listen to country music, then you probably recognize these lyrics by Toby Keith. Although it’s an amusing song, there’s a lot of truth to it. People like to think about themselves. It’s a fact of life. We all have the tendency to be selfish.

I. Me. My. Mine. Myself. These are just a few of the words we use to talk about ourselves on a daily basis. If we were to take just one day and count the number of times we think about ourselves, we would all be shocked and most likely appalled.

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s important to have a healthy self-esteem and take care of ourselves, but there’s a fine line between doing what’s best for ourselves and being self-absorbed. It’s a line most of us unknowingly cross, and this is even truer when living with a chronic illness.

Our worlds become small and narrow when we’re diagnosed with a chronic illness. Dreams are replaced with burdens. Adventures are replaced with doctors’ appointments. Spending time with friends is replaced with time spent on the couch watching television. Even though we can’t help it, our lives can become very one dimensional.

Because of this, it’s easy to focus on ourselves. Instead of thinking about what we can do, we focus on what we can’t do. Instead of thinking about how we can bless and encourage others, we wonder if anyone will encourage us. Instead of trying to make a difference in the lives of others, we bemoan the fact that we are sick and unable to change the world. But the common denominator in this equation is us and our attitude. It’s self-focused and self-absorbed. It’s all about me.

We commit a great disservice to God when we do this. Not only are we taking our focus off Him, but we are forgetting who He is and what He can do. God isn’t limited by our limitations. Yet He can’t use someone who’s too selfish to notice those around him. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I have the tendency to greatly dislike where God has placed me. I’m thirty-one and have to live with my parents because I’m sick. Not only that, but I live in the middle of nowhere. It’s a nice place with wonderful people, but it’s one of the most rural counties in the entire state of South Carolina. So obviously since God has placed me here, than it’s not very important, right? If this were a game show this is where you’d hear the buzzer telling me I’m wrong.  The thing I tend to forget is God has placed me where I am. Because of that, it is important, and that’s true for all of us.

​Susanna Wesley learned this lesson early on in her life. Living during the 1700s, she understood hardship all too well. Although she gave birth to nineteen children, only ten made it to adulthood. Her husband abandoned her and their children on more than one occasion, and often without money to pay the bills and purchase food. Her home caught fire on two separate occasions, not to mention the fact one of her children was crippled. Despite dealing with her own illness, she was the mother, father, and teacher to her children. She had every reason to throw a pity party, yet she chose to focus on her children and teach them that even though their father struggled to show them his love, they had a Heavenly Father who loved them beyond a shadow of a doubt. Instead of focusing on herself and her problems, Susanna realized that the place she was in was important because God was there. And because of her faithfulness to God, her sons John and Charles Wesley became devout men of God, started the Methodist church, and led countless people to Christ.  

Amidst all her suffering, I doubt Susanna Wesley imagined how God would use her children. She didn’t have a map of how her life would turn out. All she had was the truth of Colossians 3:23-24. “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”

It may not always feel like it, but God has a purpose for your life. He’s chosen you to point others to Him, even if it’s simply by doing the dishes and folding laundry for your family. Everything you say and do matters! Your life and attitude is a reflection of who you believe God to be.
So what does your life say?

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through Him.” ~ Colossians 3:17
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© February 10, 2016

By Josie Siler

One simple test changed everything. My specialist walked in the room, sat in the big black chair with wheels, and slid toward me. When she put her hand on my knee I knew I was in trouble.
 
My doctor has turned into one of my dearest friends; she’s like a sister. Our appointments are filled with laughter and joy, even when treatments are rough. The serious look on her face told me something was wrong before she spoke those horrifying words.
 
“Josie, you have a parasite, and it’s a nasty one.”
 
Oh gross! Not a parasite, anything but a parasite!
 
“Okay…” I tentatively replied.
 
After much discussion and a few more tests we figured that I acquired a microscopic parasite from a camel I rode through the Sahara Dessert about 10 years ago. It lodged itself in my carotid artery in my neck and had been growing bigger every day. Somehow we ticked it off enough at my appointment that it broke loose and worked its way into my colon where it was eating on raw flesh.
 
I fought the battle of my life as we tried to kill this flesh eating parasitic monstrosity. My doctor wouldn’t let me go home until it was dead and out of me. My three day appointment turned into over two weeks as we did everything we could to kill it. We thought we had it once, but with three hearts it didn’t stay dead.

I was supposed to be violently ill, too ill to even walk. Yet God was good. He spared me from so much. Yes, there was pain and suffering, but it should have been so much worse. In fact, in some ways I felt better than I had in months. Many of you were praying for me and for that I can’t thank you enough.
 
Finally the beast (we named him Earl) died and came out of me. I’m now at home recovering from the trauma I’ve been through and starting to feel better. 

Through this whole ordeal a piece of God’s Word impacted me in a powerful way. In John 17:25-26 (NLT) Jesus is praying, “O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”
 
“Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”
 
Just like Earl the parasite was in me, so is Jesus. He’s IN ME. This is a hard concept to grasp, but it’s an incredible reality. God is in Jesus and Jesus is in us, so we’re never alone. The God of all creation lives inside of us.
 
If He lives inside of us, He knows exactly what we are feeling and how we are feeling. How can He help but feel our pain and our heartaches? Jesus is no stranger to suffering, He knows grief. Isaiah 53:3-5 tells us:

Jesus knows. Oh how He knows! You have a friend in Him. You have a Savior. We suffer because we live in a fallen and sinful world. But Jesus suffered so that we could be saved, made whole, and healed. He is here to heal our hearts, our souls, and one day – here or in heaven – our bodies.

If we didn’t kill Earl the parasite he would have gone on making my life miserable. For me to have any chance of living a healthy life here on earth, Earl had to die. For us to have eternal life, Jesus had to die. It was the only way. It was God’s perfect plan. Someone had to take the penalty for our sins. It should have been us, but we were spared and Jesus suffered in our place.
 
He died a horrible death so that we can live. But Jesus didn’t stay dead. He conquered the grave and He lives! Because He lives, we can live abundant lives, even in the midst of suffering. Even now Jesus is interceding with God on our behalf.
 
Do you believe? A relationship with God is as easy as believing in Him and what He has done for us. If you believe, you can take great comfort and joy knowing that Jesus lives in you and understands you as no one else possibly could. Thank you, Jesus!

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Impossible. Improbable. Inadequate. Insufficient. For some people, these words don’t mean anything. Although life isn’t without problems, for some, things just come easy. Everything seems to fall in place. Yet for the majority of us, we find ourselves questioning if anything in life is simple. Challenge after challenge comes our way, and we’re left wondering if we’ll ever amount to anything. We live the life of an underdog.

I don’t know about you, but I can relate to the underdog. Impossible seems to be the theme of my life. Raped when I was eight-years old, diagnosed with lupus when I was seventeen, fibromyalgia when I was twenty-one, and Crohns when I was twenty-five, I have had to fight tooth and nail to get to where I am today. On more than one occasion I’ve been told I wouldn’t amount to anything. I’ve been told I would be dead by the time I’m twenty-seven, and I’ve been told by an editor that I’m not good enough to be a writer; I’m simply mediocre. Basically, I’m an underdog.

It’s taken me a long time to accept this. For a while, I hated the word. It reminded me of how hard my life has always been and caused me to question if there was even a point in trying to overcome the obstacles life has thrown my way. But over the past couple of years God has shown me how good it is to be an underdog. It’s who I am, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. God made me who I am and He loves me just as I am. Even better than that, He can and wants to use me. It doesn’t matter to Him that I am an underdog.

This truth became even more real to me over the past several months. My dad and I love watching a television show called The Voice. For those who aren’t familiar with it, it’s a singing competition, but it’s unique in that the judges don’t get to look at the competitors when they hear them sing for the first time. The contestants are judged based solely on their voices. This past season, I immediately began cheering for an underdog, a man named Jordan Smith. He had the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard, but he doesn’t look the way Hollywood says an entertainer should, but even more than that, he unapologetically is a Christian. Jordan even admitted that most of his life people didn’t give him the time of day because he didn’t look or act a certain way, but he made no apologies for it. As he said, “I am who God made me to be, and I’m happy with that.”

As I watched and cheered for Jordan each week, I was blown away not only by his talent, but by his character. He was without a doubt the best singer on the show, yet he was the most humble. And God blessed him for it! I watched him sing songs like “Great is thy Faithfulness” and “Mary Did You Know” on national television, and in this day and time when it’s not popular to be a Christian, I saw God bless a man for his faithfulness. Jordan won this season, and I have no doubt it was because of his faith in Christ and his attitude that God chose to bless him. It didn’t matter that he was an underdog. God didn’t bless him in spite of who he was, but because of it!

Colossians 1:12 says we should “give thanks to the Father who qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.” The original Greek word used for “qualified” is only used twice in the Bible, and it means “to make sufficient.” Colossians 1:9-18 is a powerful section of Scripture that I encourage you to read because it says that on our own we can’t do anything, but with God, He makes us adequate. It doesn’t matter what the world tells us because God says we are enough.

Stop and think about that. It doesn’t matter what disease you have. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have enough money. It doesn’t matter if the world says you can’t do something. It doesn’t matter that you’re an underdog. God says His power is stronger than any problem you are facing. He makes you qualified to do the things He’s placed in your heart to do. If He’s called you to do something, that’s all that matters. Because of what Christ did on the cross, you are qualified!

So what is God calling you to do?

​“We pray that you’ll live well for the Master, making Him proud of you as you work hard in His orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us.” ~ Colossians 1:10-12 (MSG)
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