By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Life is hard. Sometimes, it’s downright impossible. I began to truly understand this when I was barely seventeen and diagnosed with lupus and told I had a life expectancy of ten years. I have to admit, when that happened, I felt a bit like the Road Runner when the anvil drops on him. In a moment, everything had changed. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I knew I had a hard road ahead.

When I was diagnosed with lupus, I held firm to my faith in God. In those first days, immediately following my diagnosis, I knew God had a plan for my life and would work everything out for the good. Yet as days turned into weeks and months turned into years, I began to get sicker. Medicine could only help so much, much like putting a Band-Aid over a gaping wound. And little by little, my faith in a loving, benevolent God slowly began to crumble.

At twenty-one, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Although I never voiced it aloud, I began to question if the God whom I claimed to believe was worth it. All I could see was heartache and brokenness. There were days I was physically in such severe pain I couldn’t get out of bed. But I bolstered my faith and continued to try to trust in God. That all came to a screeching halt when I was twenty-five and diagnosed with Crohns. With three chronic illnesses attacking my body, what little belief I had left in God came crashing down around me. I’ll never forget that moment when I stood by the trashcan in my bedroom holding my Bible, ready to throw it and my faith in Christ away forever. Life was harder than I ever imagined it could be, and I wanted to quit on the God whom I believed had quit on me.

​In the moment, right before I threw away my Bible, I felt a stirring in my soul. With tears running down my face, I told God I would give Him one last chance to show me I was wrong – to show me He loved me and cared about what I was going through. That moment changed my life. I know some people would say it’s blasphemous to give God an ultimatum like that, but for the first time since I became sick, I was honest with myself and God. I was done pretending that my faith was steadfast in Him, and God blessed that honesty. I didn’t understand why this was happening, and it caused me to lift my eyes off my problems and place them solely on God. For the first time since I was seventeen, my focus was on God and God alone.

Since then, I’ve learned I’m not the only one who’s wrestled with God on why we go through difficulties. For some reason, we’ve bought into the lie that God won’t give us more than we can handle. I’ve even had some people tell me it’s a Bible verse, and that’s not true. Nowhere in Scripture does it say as believers in Christ we have a limit on the difficulties we’ll encounter. Hebrews 11 is one of the most recognizable chapters in the Bible; it’s commonly referred to as the Faith Chapter. So many people read the first 34 verses in the chapter about all the good that can happen in a person’s life when they believe God, yet they skip past the last five verses, which are just as important. They say: “Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, so that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground. And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying God won’t perform miracles in your life. He’s done so many things that shouldn’t be possible in my life, counting but not limited to the fact that I’ve already lived six years past my expiration date. Not only that, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been in my adult life. Yes, I’m still sick and life is hard, but God is still working in my life and through my life. That’s something that amazes me every day.

What I’ve learned over the years is I don’t get to pick and choose what problems I’ll have to face. If I’m going to believe God, I have to believe He’s not only the God of the good times, but He’s also God of the bad. Being a Christian doesn’t mean we’re excluded from the problems of this life. Yet when we choose to believe God, and make no mistake, it is a choice, we’ll know the peace that passes understanding. We’ll see why in Acts 16:22-30 Paul and Silas could sing God’s praise when they were imprisoned. They knew Jehovah-Shalom, “The Lord is my peace.”

Over the years, I’ve become intimately acquainted with Jehovah-Shalom. I’ve had days when I couldn’t uncurl from the fetal position because the pain was so severe. There’ve been moments when I’ve been told by doctors to prepare to die. Yet time after time, when I’ve cried out to Jehovah-Shalom, I’ve experienced the most amazing peace when there should have been none. That’s what God does during those hard times. He may not remove the burden, but He’ll help you carry it. When that happens, you can honestly say, “Today has been hard, but it hasn’t been bad because my God is good and He gives me peace.”

Can you say that? Do you know Jehovah-Shalom?

By Crickett Keeth

This past week, I felt the sting of disappointment – not once, but twice. I was waiting to hear back from two different publishers who were considering several Bible studies I had written. I had been praying for God’s will in both situations, and a peace regardless of whether it would be a yes or a no. (My heart’s desire was for a yes.) I received two no’s three days apart. Ouch…

Even though I had prayed for God’s will, there was still a moment of disappointment after reading the emails. I truly wanted God’s will, but I had hoped that a yes was His will. Yet, He gave me His peace as He reminded me that He has a plan for my life, and His plan is perfect. I don’t want something that’s not His best for me.

God has used these two rejections to draw me into a deeper relationship of trust with Him. I trust His plans for me – even though they might be different than what I had hoped for.

A few months before graduating from Dallas Theological Seminary in Dallas, I was looking for a job in ministry. I prayed for a job in Dallas, but God closed one door after another. I was discouraged and disappointed. But God had a better plan for me – a job in Memphis that was (is) the perfect fit! I’m so glad God didn’t give me what I wanted. I would have missed the blessings He has given me here at First Evangelical Church.

We all face disappointment – we don’t get that job we wanted, or that house we wanted, or the diagnosis we wanted, or the response we wanted from someone. But God knows what’s best. We can rest in His love and the plan He has laid out for us.

This week as I was reading in The Valley of Vision, this prayer reinforced my trust in God in the midst of a disappointing week. (From Choices, p. 193)

"Thou hast done for me all things well, hast remembered, distinguished, indulged me. All my desires have not been gratified, but Thy love denied them to me when fulfilment of my wishes would have proved my ruin or injury... Thou hast often wiped away my tears, restored peace to my mourning heart, chastened me for my profit. All Thy work for me is perfect, and I praise Thee."

Paul said something similar in Romans 8:28:

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

I'm grateful that God knows best.

What Scripture(s) or readings have encouraged you in the midst of disappointment?

Crickett Keeth is the Women’s Ministry Director at First Evangelical Church in Memphis, Tennessee, where she writes and teaches the women’s Bible studies. She is the author of several published Bible studies, including The Gift of Rest and Sumatra with the Seven Churches (co-authored with Sandra Glahn).  Crickett was on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ for ten years and is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary. In addition to teaching regularly at her own church, she also speaks at women’s conferences and retreats. She offers free resources for discipleship and encourages others in their own walk with God through her website at www.crickettkeeth.com. You can also connect with Crickett on Facebook and Twitter.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

May I be honest? I have something I’ve been struggling with for a while. It’s one of those things that, if I’m honest, I absolutely detest. There are very few things I hate, but this is one of them. I hate weakness. More specifically, I hate being weak.

I used to pride myself in all I could accomplish in a day. I found pleasure in coming to the end of the day and knowing my day was successful. Now, I measure my success by whether or not I manage to make it out of bed and change my clothes. Thankfully, since I started lupus treatments three years ago, I’m able to do so much more than I was before, but I still find myself at the end of the day wishing I could have done more. I’m still weak, and it bothers me.

Yet as I’ve begged, pleaded, and cajoled God to help me accomplish more in a day – to make me stronger – He’s slowly been transforming my opinion on weakness. I’ve recently completed a Bible study on the book of Acts, and it really hit me how difficult Paul’s life was. As it says in 2 Corinthians 11:24-26, Paul was beaten, stoned, thrown in prison on more than one occasion, shipwrecked, bitten by a poisonous snake, ostracized, and dealt with some kind of illness. He understood weakness in a way that few of us ever will, and yet he is one the greatest Christian leaders of all time.

As I’ve pondered Paul’s life and wondered how God could use someone who dealt with weakness on a regular basis, I realized Paul understood two things about weakness. First, there is a vulnerability in admitting we are weak. The other thing Paul knew is that when we do allow ourselves to be vulnerable, God’s power can shine through our weakness. One of my favorite verses is found in 2 Corinthians 4:7, which says, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” Even though this verse is often quoted, few people know the history behind it and miss the significance of what Paul is saying. You see, back in biblical times, people didn’t have banks, safes, and vaults to hide their most treasured possessions. So, they would take the most plain, nondescript jar clays, hide their treasure deep inside, and seal it. When it was time to retrieve their treasure, they would then break their jars of clay. It was only when the jar was broken that the treasure could be revealed.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Everything was going great in her life. She was at the top of her field. Money and awards were rolling in on a regular basis. Life was pretty much perfect. And then it happened. That one pesky health problem that just wouldn’t go away led to doctors doing bloodwork. After several tests, the answer was clear. She had Sjrogen’s Syndrome, an autoimmune disease which attacks the glands in the body. Common story, right? It’s not when you’re Venus Williams, who’s considered one of the greatest female tennis players of all time.

When Venus was diagnosed with Sjrogen’s, she was rated first in the world of tennis. Within a couple of years of her diagnosis, she fell to 135. Because of her illness, she had to withdraw from a number of competitions. So last week when Venus won the semifinal of the Australian Open, her response was enthusiastic, to say the least. Venus went on to play against her sister Serena Williams in the finals, and even though Serena is the one who walked away with the trophy, I can’t help but think the true winner was Venus, someone who literally had to fight her way back to the top.

Venus’ story resonates with me. Although I’m not a world-famous anything, I do understand being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and having life crumble around me. I know what it’s like to have plans for my life, and then have those plans come to a screeching halt. Sickness has a way of doing that.

​Like most people who have plans and dreams for their lives, I’ve worked hard to get where I am today. The problem is, I’m not where I want to be. What I’ve envisioned for my life is seemingly out of reach. No matter how hard I try, the dream seems so far away. And like a child on a road trip, I can’t help but ask, “Are we there yet?”