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Confessions of an Idiot

3/31/2016

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Can you keep a secret? I learned something not too long ago – I am an idiot. Now before you start sending me emails for being self-deprecating, allow me to clarify. Several weeks ago, I spoke at a ladies event. In my preparation, I discovered the origins of the word idiot, and it has a different connotation than how it’s used today. If we stick with the original meaning of the word, I, Erin Elizabeth Austin, am an idiot.

I’ve always known I’m different from others. Even if I didn’t know, I am constantly reminded of this fact by doctors, nurses, physical therapists, and other people who are chronically ill. Not only is my body weird, but the way I’ve responded to being sick is also rather unique. Not many sick people decide to start a nonprofit, become a writer and speaker, and start a magazine. According to others, that’s not normal, especially when I don’t have a business or English degree.

Maybe that’s why Peter is one of my favorite people in the New Testament. I know most Christians will claim Paul as their favorite biblical character, but I’ve always been able to identify with Peter. He messed up on multiple occasions. He had a big heart and zeal for life, but let’s face it. The guy made a lot of mistakes. Not only that, but he was an uneducated, regular, blue collar man. He was ordinary. There was absolutely nothing special about the guy, and yet he led the way in starting the church. Before Paul came along, Peter was the one God used to bring thousands of people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. The same man who denied knowing Jesus on three separate occasions was also the man who preached at Pentecost. Even though he was a royal screw-up, God still used Peter in huge ways.

To me, that’s a big deal. It says God doesn’t judge us according to the world’s standards. He sees beyond our social and economic status. To God, we are more than how the world defines us. We aren’t disabled, broken, poor individuals with nothing to contribute to the world. As long as we are alive, we can make a difference in the lives of others.

We see this truth in Acts 4 when Peter and John were arrested by the leaders of the church after healing a man who was unable to walk. After spending the night in jail, they were brought before the court where Peter defended his faith in Christ. My favorite part of this story is when it says in verse 13, “Now when they saw the courage of Peter and John, and realized that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed. And they realized that they had been with Jesus.”

The original Greek word used for “untrained” is “idiotes.” Recognize it? For those who don’t, take out the e and you have idiots. Bet you didn’t realize there were idiots in the Bible! I certainly didn’t! Yet the meaning of idiotes is a little different than the English form of idiots. It means “ungifted, unskilled, untrained,” and my personal favorite “ordinary.”

God uses the ordinary! In fact, He specializes in it. He doesn’t care if you didn’t finish high school or even if you have a learning disability. To God, it doesn’t matter if you’re ten-years old or one hundred. Rich or poor, healthy or sick, these are all things that are meaningless in God’s kingdom. The only thing that matters is your heart. If you love God and have a desire to be used by Him, that’s the most important thing. The other things are simply window dressings – meaningless.

So you’re an idiot? Big deal! Your life has value. God can and wants to use you. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if He wants to do big things in your life and through your life. Be proud of who you are. God isn’t ashamed of you, so why should you be?

Today, ask God to use you. Allow Him to show His greatness through your brokenness. He might just use you to change the world.

Will you let Him?

“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.” ~ 1 Corinthians 1:27

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Confessions of the Living

3/24/2016

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By Erin Elizabeth Austin

“Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear Erin! Happy Birthday to me!” Okay, I know I’m being a little silly at the moment, but sometimes, you need to cut loose and have a little fun. I have to admit, my past two birthdays, I forgot that. Thirty was that dreaded number where I didn’t want to think about no longer being in my twenties. At thirty-one, my attitude was blasé. I didn’t really care and treated my birthday like it was any other day. But today, I’ve decided to treat birthday number thirty-two differently. I’m alive, and that deserves to be celebrated!

I’m not actually supposed to be alive today. I know most people can’t say this, but more than one doctor has given me a life expectancy date. Shortly after I turned eighteen, I was diagnosed with lupus. Even worse, I was diagnosed with one of the most severe kinds of lupus there is – a kind where people don’t live very long. At eighteen years old, I was told my life expectancy was a maximum of ten years. Needless to say, being a senior in high school, I didn’t take that very well.

For a long time, I chose to ignore what the doctor said. I decided to continue on with my plans, and no disease was going to interfere. Less than a year later, I realized just how much I couldn’t control what my body decided to do. After moving on from the land of denial, I quickly fell into despair. Life wasn’t fair, and I had every right to wallow in self-pity. But that got me nowhere. From there, I became angry – at sickness, the cruelty of life, and especially God. Since life wasn’t fair, I decided that meant God was cruel. But all this did was cause me to struggle even more. I lost my joy for each new day. I needed God to survive what little time I had left to live. I didn’t want people to remember me as a bitter twenty-five year old. I wanted to be remembered for the ability to laugh and for being a blessing to others. So I stepped into the world of contentment – a choice one has to daily make when dealing with any kind of suffering. And that’s where I’ve spent the past seven years, choosing to be content.

Yet I’ve realized something over the past year. As important as it is to be content in life, it doesn’t mean we should be content to settle for less than God’s best. As we celebrate Easter this Sunday I’m reminded of the importance of Christ’s death and resurrection. As Christians, we always talk about how Jesus made it possible for us to have eternal life because of His death and resurrection. And it’s true! Don’t get me wrong. If you’re not sure if you have a personal relationship with God, please message me. We should all know where we will be when we take our last breath, but Easter is about so much more than guaranteeing our place in Heaven.

The whole point of Easter is celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. He is ALIVE!!! Easter Sunday is about Jesus making His victory – His life – ours. We should never be blasé about life. Jesus made life after death possible – that includes life after destruction, life after the diagnosis of an illness, life after divorce, life after pain and despair, life after tragedy, and life after brokenness. A relationship with Jesus is LIFE!

Our lives are often like Christ’s death on the cross. Bad things happen and our hopes and dreams are shattered. We find ourselves like the followers of Christ, who became so absorbed in Jesus’ death they forgot His promise that death wouldn’t defeat Him. Rather than celebrating the promises of the living God, we are stuck mourning all we’ve lost. We can become so focused on our pain that we become like the women who visited Jesus’ tomb. They were so wrapped up in their grief they completely missed the fact that Jesus was alive.

Just like Mary Magdalene, Mary, and Salome, we can miss out on the life God has promised because we are too self-absorbed in our problems. Jesus said in John 10:10 that He came so we could have abundant life. Just because we are sick doesn’t mean our lives are over. Instead of treating each day like it’s Good Friday (the day of Jesus’ death), we should be acting like it’s Easter Sunday (resurrection day). Our story doesn’t end in death and destruction. Because of Christ’s resurrection, we have life. The choice is up to us whether or not it will be an abundant one.

It’s time to celebrate and join the living! Yes, we may have a hard life, but that doesn’t mean we should act like we’re already dead. We get one chance at life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. Don’t waste today! Choose to live!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” ~ John 10:10

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The Fog of Change

3/22/2016

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By Josie Siler

Last week the ice was coming off of the lake near my house and the whole thing had turned into a large bowl of fog. The air was warm and smelled like spring. Everything was shrouded in mystery. The fog rolled over the ice like waves skimming over the top of the soon-to-be gone frozen layer.

Spring is a time of change and as I walked around the edge of the lake my mind mulled over that word. Change comes, whether we’re ready for it or not. It waits for no one. We either accept it when it comes or we resist it, fight it, or run away from it.

We just celebrated Palm Sunday. Good Friday will be here in a few days, followed closely by Easter. These too are all times of change.

Palm Sunday was the day of Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem. John 12:12-15 (ESV) reads:

The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet Him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,

“Fear not, daughter of Zion; behold, your king is coming, sitting on a donkey's colt!”

The people thought Jesus was coming to fight, to take His rightful place as King, and abolish the rule of the oppressive and hated Romans. Just a few short days later their shouts of praise turned into shouts of anger.

Good Friday was not a good day. It’s the day Jesus died. The same people who had just been praising Jesus turned on Him. They realized that things had changed and He wasn’t going to do what they expected Him to do. He wasn’t going to fight the Romans and they hated Him for it. In John 19:14-19 we read:

Now it was the day of Preparation of the Passover. It was about the sixth hour. He said to the Jews, “Behold your King!” They cried out, “Away with Him, away with Him, crucify Him!” Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.” So he delivered Him over to them to be crucified.

So they took Jesus, and He went out, bearing His own cross, to the place called The Place of a Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha. There they crucified Him, and with Him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them. Pilate also wrote an inscription and put it on the cross. It read, “Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.”

Can’t you just imagine the denial Jesus’ followers must have been in? Surely they hoped until the very last second that Jesus would rise up and fight. That He would save Himself. They didn’t understand that Jesus had to die, that He was the only one who could take the sins of the world upon Himself and die for each and every one of them – die for each and every one of us. Everything had changed and Jesus’ close followers didn’t know what to do. They felt lost and alone.

Easter Sunday was glorious. Jesus rose from the grave, conquering sin and death and saving us all. Sunday is what makes a Good Friday possible. Luke 24:1-7 tells us:

But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember how He told you, while He was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise.

So much change happened during that week so long ago, so many emotions were felt. Jesus rode into Jerusalem as a King, yet by Friday things had drastically changed. Friday was the lowest low of humanity. Friday all hope was lost. Oh, but Sunday! Sunday hope burst forth, leaving the tomb empty and our hearts full.

So often in life we feel as if we are living in the misery of that Friday so many years ago. Things have changed and our hopes have not just been lost, they have been crushed. We’re living in utter darkness and we know that something has to again change or we’ll never survive.

Dear friends, if you’re living in the fog of change or the darkness of Friday, please hold on. Sunday is coming! You don’t have to live in a hopeless world because Jesus, the hope of the world, is alive!

Jesus never promised that we wouldn’t have dark days, but He did promise to never ever forsake us. Cling to Him, draw strength from His pierced hands, and invite Jesus Himself to live inside you. Never give up – your Savior lives!

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Confessions of a Trusting Spirit

3/10/2016

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By Erin Elizabeth Austin

He was running late – incredibly late. Everything that could go wrong that morning did. His alarm clock didn’t go off. He spilled coffee on his shirt and had to change. After he left his apartment he realized he left important papers for his business meeting at home and had to turn around and get them. His morning had been horrible, and he was angry. God knew how important the morning’s meeting was to further his career. It was all he had prayed about for over a week. Didn’t God care what happened to him?

This is the true story about an uncle of a friend of mine. Even though I’ve never met him, I’ll never forget his story. You see, he lived in New York. He worked at the World Trade Center, and the morning was September 11, 2001. Because he was running so late, he didn’t make it to his business meeting. As his taxi pulled to stop, he saw a plane crash into the second tower, the tower where he worked.

Our lives are often like this. Nothing goes the way we planned. People get sick. Cars break down. Expensive repairs need to be made to the house. Things go wrong, and often we’re left wondering if God even cares.

I know I’m guilty of this. If I had a dollar for every time something in my life went wrong, I would be rich. And I admit, the temptation is to become frustrated and angry at God. How can I trust someone who doesn’t care enough to intervene and stop my suffering? If God doesn’t care about me, than why should I care about Him?

This is a subject that has occupied my thoughts more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve had a hard life, and it shows no signs of improving. Even the treatments I’ve been receiving the past two years have been incredibly difficult for me, even though they are helping me get stronger. Unfortunately, they’ve made me sicker before they’ve made me better, which seems to be the theme of my life. So how can I trust God?

As I was pondering this question I couldn’t help but think about Paul. Although he lived during biblical times, he is still considered one of the godliest men to ever live. Even though denominations often differ in their tenements of faith, one thing is readily agreed upon – Paul is one of the founding fathers of the church. His ministry led to thousands of converts to Christianity. He was a man who undeniably trusted God no matter what. Yet his life was far from easy. If anyone had a reason to quit on God, it was Paul. As he said in 2 Corinthians 11:23-28:

Are they servants of Christ?—I speak as if insane—I more so; in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches

Paul went through so much in his life. I may be wrong, but I imagine this list he wrote in his letter to the church at Corinth only covers a portion of the problems Paul encountered once he became a Christian. So why continue to serve God in ministry? Why not turn his back on God and lead a quiet, normal life?

I’ve come to a conclusion about trusting God – a truth, I believe, Paul recognized early on in his relationship with God. It’s a choice a person must make every single day of his life. We can go to church every week, read the Bible and pray every day, and give money to missionaries, but that doesn’t mean we trust God. Trust is a conscious decision we make. It’s admitting that we don’t know what tomorrow holds and we don’t know what God’s plan is. Trusting God means we know that God is actively working in our lives, even though we can’t always see and understand it at the time. It’s one of the most challenging aspects of having a relationship with God, yet it’s also the most important.

When we trust God despite the problems we face, we are choosing to believe that our God is greater and stronger than any problem that comes our way. It allows us to have joy and be filled with a hope and peace that only comes from knowing God is at work in our lives. It frees us from being weighed down by the burden of our problems. Complete trust in God is liberating!

God has a plan for your life. He will use every aspect of the challenges you face for your good and His glory. Just because you don’t understand what He’s doing, doesn’t mean He isn’t at work.

Have you made the choice to trust God?

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)

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It's Not Fair!

3/9/2016

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By Josie Siler

It’s not fair! If you’ve been around kids (or anyone for that matter) this is a phrase that you’ve heard time and again. This phrase is often exclaimed in an extra whiny voice, drawn out for greater impact.

There are a lot of things in life that just don’t seem fair. Human beings seem to have an intense need to compare ourselves to our fellow man, woman, and child. We want what we don’t have and it’s easy to become jealous of those who have what we long for.

What do you long for? A home? A spouse? New clothes? More chocolate? Good health?

When we see how God has blessed others, how do we react? Do we get jealous and angry with God and question His wisdom? God, why did you heal that person and not me? I deserve to be well just as much as they do, even more. It’s just not fair, God!

I wonder how the Levites of the Bible felt when God didn’t give them a piece of the Promised Land. Joshua 13:33a (ESV) says, “But to the tribe of Levi Moses gave no inheritance…”

God told Moses to give an allotment of land to each of the tribes – except the tribe of Levi. How fair is that?! The Promised Land is something the people of Israel had been looking forward to for years. They had wandered in the desert and now it was time to finally move into the land that God promised them.

Everyone got land, except the Levites. Did they complain? Did they feel jilted? Did they long for a piece of land to call their own? Or did they see the better gift God had given them?

It’s easy to stop at the first part of verse 33 and scream, “Hey God, that’s not fair!” Many times in life we are premature to complain, to cry foul. Yet, God had something better for the Levites – the gift of Himself. Joshua 13:33b says, “…the Lord God of Israel is their inheritance, just as he said to them.”

The Lord God of Israel is their inheritance. That’s incredible! You see, God didn’t give the Levites land because He wanted them to be mobile. He didn’t want them tied down to a piece of land; He wanted them to be free to go wherever He asked them to go. He wanted them to be free to serve Him in the Tabernacle without worrying about taking care of land too.

Not giving the Levites a gift of land was a blessing. It would have tied them down and given them unnecessary responsibilities. Did the Levites realize the gift God was giving them or did they long for the same thing everyone else was getting?

If you love and follow Jesus Christ you’re simultaneously living in two worlds, the physical world and the spiritual world. It’s easy to get caught up in the physical world, especially when we’re sick and in pain. Yet the physical world isn’t the most important. We need to fix our eyes on Christ. When we focus on the spiritual world, it makes the things of this physical world seem less important.

What’s a home when Christ is preparing a special place for us? What’s a spouse when we have a relationship with the God of love? What are new clothes when we’re clothed in righteousness? What’s a little chocolate compared to the sweetness of knowing God? What’s good health when we’ve been given the gift of God Himself?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there’s an intimacy with Christ that can only come through suffering. When God allows us to suffer, we have the opportunity to grow closer to Him in ways that are only possible through pain and trials. We can see how bright the light of Christ really is only because we’ve known such deep darkness.

We are each being conformed into the likeness of Christ, the Holy God who became human and suffered greatly. Yet He didn’t just suffer, He overcame pain, humiliation, and ultimately death all to save us. He has given us the gift of Himself, and that is the very best gift of all.

God may give you everything you desire. He may give you a beautiful home, a loving spouse, a new wardrobe, a lifetime supply of chocolate, and perfect health. Or He may just give you the gift of Himself and ask you, “Am I enough?”

He is enough. He’s more than enough! Will you accept your inheritance of God Himself?

“For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His great might that He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” – Ephesians 1:15-21

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Tell Your Heart to Beat Again

3/1/2016

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By Josie Siler

Danny Gokey tells the story of a pastor watching a surgery. The pastor had convinced a surgeon who attends his church to allow him to observe a heart surgery. What the pastor saw was nothing short of amazing.

The surgeon completed all of the repairs and it was time to restart the heart. Even though everything was as it should be, the heart wasn’t beating. He knelt down and whispered to the woman. He told her, “We have fixed your heart. … There’s nothing wrong with your heart. … I need you to tell your heart to beat again.”

Her heart began to beat again.

Out of this incredible story comes one of my favorite new songs, “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey.

This song speaks to my heart on such a deep level. If you read my recent devotion entitled “Earl Had to Die” (http://www.erinelizabethaustin.com/blog/earl-had-to-die), you know that last month I went through some medical trauma. I’m still trying to recover from this, and to be perfectly honest, I’m having a hard time.

Technically I’m healthier than I’ve been in a very long time, maybe ever. Yet my body is still recovering, and so is the rest of me. I feel as if I’m stumbling along in a deep fog, lost and unsure of which way to turn. I’m so very tired, which is to be expected, yet incredibly frustrating.

I need to tell my heart to beat again. I need to start living again. Yet I’m terrified. I’m afraid it’s all a joke and I’m not really getting healthier. I’ve been here before. I’ve been “better” before, and then the “chronic” in “chronic illness” reared its ugly head and I was back where I started.

Is this time really going to be any different? What if I get sick again? What if the healing stops here and I don’t get any better?

Does it really matter?

Kutless sings a song called “Even If.” It’s about praising God even if the healing never comes. Even if the healing never comes, God is still God and He is good and He is faithful.

I know this to be true with all of my heart, and no matter what happens I will choose to praise Him. I know this in my head, but my heart hasn’t caught on yet. It needs a jumpstart. I need to get past my fear and tell it to beat again.

And so do you.

When we get sick one of our greatest fears is that we will never get back the person we used to be. We want our old life back and we want everything to be the same.

Friend, that can’t be. It wouldn’t be healthy. When we’re going through something as traumatic as chronic illness we change. As we look to God for hope, grace, and the strength to go on, we can’t help but be transformed. Truly, our old self has died. And this is a good thing because out of death comes life, abundant life!

In John 10:10 (ESV) Jesus tells us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Satan wants nothing more than to steal our joy, kill our bodies, and destroy our lives. But Jesus came so that we can live abundant lives, whatever our circumstances.

Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

We can let go of the life we used to know. It has been crucified with Christ. It’s time to embrace a new life with Christ. The life we live in the flesh (healthy flesh or sick flesh) we live by faith in Jesus – the Jesus who loves us so much that He suffered and gave His own flesh to save us.

You may live with chronic illness, but that doesn’t have to keep you from beginning again. There’s so much more to the story of your life. God isn’t done with you yet. He has something special planned for your life.

But what?

I know. It’s hard. It’s overwhelming. Where do we even start? God is so huge and there’s so much we can do – but there’s also only so much we can do. I was recently told to look for that one thing. That one piece of God’s heart that He wants us to show to others. Once we find it, we’ve found our purpose.

I love this! For me it’s hope. God wants me to share with others the hope found in Him. That’s my purpose in life, and it’s something I can do healthy or sick.

Do you know what your purpose is? What’s that one piece of God’s heart that He wants you to share with others? Today, let’s tell our hearts to beat again and begin living our purpose. What an exciting life we’re beginning!

Watch the video below for the full story and the song.

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Confessions of an Idiot

Confessions of the Living

The Fog of Change

Confessions of a Trusting Spirit

It's Not Fair!

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again

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