By Josie Siler

Most people are familiar with a Bucket List. It’s a list of things you want to do before you “kick the bucket” or, put more plainly, die. I have a different kind of list. It’s a list of things that I am going to do when I am well, when I go into remission, when I am healed – or maybe just when I’m having a good day! Most of the things on my list are things that I used to love to do but am not able to do now. Do you want a peek at my list? Here are a few things:

Climb trees
Go hiking
Go on a long motorcycle trip
Roll down a hill
Wear heals
Travel overseas
Say YES!

There are times when I think of the things on my list and I feel really sad. I feel a deep sorrow, and I grieve the life that I once had and the life that I thought I would have. I also praise the Lord because He meets me in my pain. He has blessed me and given me new dreams. I am doing things that I never thought I would be doing, and for that, I am so grateful. That being said, I do not think it is wrong to grieve. In fact, I think it is necessary. We won’t be able to move on with life unless we grieve what was lost.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

A little known fact about me is that for a short while I seriously considered becoming a crime scene investigator. I took a forensic science class in school and was at the top of the class. I loved everything about it. Because of that, I took several criminal justice classes before I decided God hadn't called me into this line of work. Even now, I still am intrigued by the idea of forensic science. I suppose this is why I love to watch so many cop shows on television. I love to watch the forensic television shows and know how to do some of what they do, particularly when they dust for fingerprints and analyze them.

A fingerprint is an amazing thing. Webster's Dictionary defines a fingerprint as "an impression made for purposes of identification." Every person has a unique fingerprint. No two people in the world have the exact same fingerprint. God created each of us special, down to our very fingerprints. As I thought about this the other day, I got to thinking about how God also created us with spiritual fingerprints.

By Jim Davis

I bet the last time you were hurting, some well-meaning person quoted this verse to you - “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28, NKJV).

That’s a beautiful and comforting verse, and being in the Bible, we know that it is true, but I think it is often misused. I think when some people quote that verse to a person who lost his job, they treat it as a promise that they will find another job, one even better than the old one. Or if a person only loves God enough, their sickness would be healed.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Weak. There’s something about this word I simply can’t stand. I hate what it means. I hate what it implies. And I HATE when I am weak. The irony of it all is I am quite weak right now and have been for several months. Not only that, but it’s getting worse because my doctors still can’t figure out how to stop the constant infection which plagues my sinuses and lungs. The funny thing is if you asked me my definition of “weak,” it’s entirely different than what one would find in a dictionary. In my opinion, “weak” is when a person wants to do something but simply doesn’t have the strength/ability to do it.

Told you my definition was different! But truthfully, I’m sure every sick person who’s reading this understands why I feel this way. We’ve all been there. Plans have been made. Suitcases packed. Everyone is ready to go. And we’re left trying to gather the little strength we have to simply get dressed and get in the car, all because of this one little word: weakness. It’s a daily part of a person’s life who’s suffering with a chronic illness, yet we struggle to find the words to express to those who are healthy to help them understand what we're facing. It’s no wonder so many of us often look at our lives and ask the question, “What can I do?” Better yet, “What can God do through me?”

By Josie Siler

If you grew up with a brother or sister you know they can get on your nerves. In fact, once they find out that something bothers you, they will keep doing it until you practically blow a gasket. I have an older brother. We get along well now, but I feel bad for what we put our parents through as kids, especially our mom. We fought more often than not, and once he got bigger than me, I was toast. I vividly recall one time when my brother was trying to get in my room. I don’t think it was for any particular reason except that he knew I didn’t want him in there. On this particular occasion I wasn’t fast enough slamming and locking my door. My brother got his foot in there and kept pushing. Once he got his foot in, I knew things weren’t going to go well for me. The further he was able to get the door open the angrier I became. I wasn’t strong enough to stop him and I didn’t know what to do. So I bit him. That’s right; I clamped my teeth down on his shoulder like a bulldog on a bull. Unbeknownst to either of us, my braces had become attached to his shirt. When he yanked his shoulder out of my mouth my braces went with it. I still remember the sound of the “pop,” “pop,” “pop, pop, pop” as they came off of my teeth one by one. I remember that moment in slow motion, though I’m sure it happened quite quickly.

In my anger toward my brother I sinned. I did something I knew was wrong in order to hurt someone I love. Did you know that not all anger is sin? It’s true. Jesus got very angry with the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice inside the Temple in Jerusalem. “He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves, and He stopped everyone from using the Temple as a marketplace (Mark 11:15b-16, NLT).” In all of this, Jesus did not sin.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

I live an impossible life. Nothing about my life is easy. I don't just live with one chronic illness; I don't even live with two chronic illnesses. I live with three chronic illnesses (lupus, Crohns, and fibromyalgia). For me, the question at the start of each day isn't, "Will I experience pain and fatigue today?" The question is, "How much pain and fatigue will I be in today?" Every day I am able to get out of bed and accomplish anything is considered to be a miracle. Maybe that's why over the past several years, the way I view life has changed so drastically.

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Have you ever watched the Disney movie The Lion King? There’s a scene towards the end of the movie where Zazu (he’s the blue bird that looks like a parrot) is placed in jail. (Okay, it’s the ribcage of a dead animal, but to a bird, it’s jail.) He begins to sing a mournfully sad song before Scar stops him and asks him to sing a happier song with more bounce to it. Although I’m not a fan of Scar, I understand why he wanted Zazu to sing a different song. The words to the song Zazu chose to sing before he was told to sing a more cheerful song was, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrow.”

Not a particularly happy song, is it? Yet if we’re honest, we’ve all had times we’ve felt like singing a dirge like Zazu’s. Sickness has a way of isolating a person so that he feels he is all alone in his pain and sadness. This is especially true when a person is too sick to work or attend church. When that happens, the person who is sick finds his world getting smaller and smaller, until there comes a point when his world has shrunk so much, it only includes that individual.