I sat down for my interview, nervous but excited. God had provided the money to attend this writers' conference, and I knew in my heart God was going to do something amazing. Why else would He go to so much trouble to get me here?
As I went to the first of what would be many interviews, I couldn't help but hope my dream of becoming a published writer would begin with this meeting. Maybe it sounds silly, but I hoped and prayed others would catch the vision of what I felt God calling me to write. So I waited with bated breath as the interview began, and what I heard broke my heart. Not only did the person interviewing me not catch my vision, but he thought I was wasting my time. I was told I was a good writer, but I was a nobody and who would care to read anything I've written?
As I went to the first of what would be many interviews, I couldn't help but hope my dream of becoming a published writer would begin with this meeting. Maybe it sounds silly, but I hoped and prayed others would catch the vision of what I felt God calling me to write. So I waited with bated breath as the interview began, and what I heard broke my heart. Not only did the person interviewing me not catch my vision, but he thought I was wasting my time. I was told I was a good writer, but I was a nobody and who would care to read anything I've written?
I managed to make it through that first meeting without crying, but it took every ounce of willpower I had. As soon as I was able to leave the interview room, I went to my hotel room and had a good cry. You see, I had always known I was a nobody. I spent most of my life struggling with a low self-esteem. Getting diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases only added to those feelings of inadequacy. Being sick made me feel inferior and worth less than others. As is true of many of who are chronically sick, I lost my job, my money, my health, and my independence. I lost my identity when I became sick. Gone was the old Erin, and in her place was a person I didn't even know.
Because of this, it took many years for me to learn who I am in Christ. God had to teach me that who am I has nothing to do with some disease that will follow me until the day I die. But when I heard someone say those horrible words, "You're a nobody," all of my old doubts and fears came rushing back. It was as if a great tidal wave swept over me and destroyed what God had spent years trying to teach me. After several hours of wallowing in self-pity and wishing I could go home, I began to hear God whisper to my heart, "But I say you're somebody." In that moment, I realized an important truth. In God's kingdom, we're all nobodies. From Donald Trump to the homeless person living on the street, we are all nobodies. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make ourselves worthy of God's love. Yet God loves us anyway, not because we've earned it, but simply because He chooses to. He looks at us and sees the beauty in the midst of our brokenness. It's only because of God's love that we are able to accomplish anything in this world.
As I let this truth heal my bruised and damaged heart, I realized that if anything positive was accomplished at the conference, it would simply be because God made it happen. It would have nothing to do with my skill as a writer. Thankfully, God did do some amazing things at the conference. I even left with more than one editor interested in signing a contract with me. Yet because of that first meeting, I know it's because God was at work. It had nothing to do with me.
I learned a valuable lesson because of this experience: I am a nobody. In fact, we all are. It's not because of sickness, our lack of money, or our lack of success. When measuring ourselves against the standard of who God is, we are all inadequate and inferior. Yet when we look to God, we then become somebody. So to all the nobodies reading this I ask, "Have you turned to only One who says you're somebody?" If you haven't, I encourage you to run to God. He may not make you rich and famous, but when God says you're somebody it won't matter what anyone else says, because in the end, God's opinion is the only one that counts.
"All who are led by God’s Spirit are God’s sons and daughters. You didn’t receive a spirit of slavery to lead you back again into fear, but you received a Spirit that shows you are adopted as His children. With this Spirit, we cry, “Abba, Father.” The same Spirit agrees with our spirit, that we are God’s children.But if we are children, we are also heirs. We are God’s heirs and fellow heirs with Christ, if we really suffer with Him so that we can also be glorified with Him." ~ Romans 8:14-17 (CEB)
(c) May 30, 2012
Because of this, it took many years for me to learn who I am in Christ. God had to teach me that who am I has nothing to do with some disease that will follow me until the day I die. But when I heard someone say those horrible words, "You're a nobody," all of my old doubts and fears came rushing back. It was as if a great tidal wave swept over me and destroyed what God had spent years trying to teach me. After several hours of wallowing in self-pity and wishing I could go home, I began to hear God whisper to my heart, "But I say you're somebody." In that moment, I realized an important truth. In God's kingdom, we're all nobodies. From Donald Trump to the homeless person living on the street, we are all nobodies. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make ourselves worthy of God's love. Yet God loves us anyway, not because we've earned it, but simply because He chooses to. He looks at us and sees the beauty in the midst of our brokenness. It's only because of God's love that we are able to accomplish anything in this world.
As I let this truth heal my bruised and damaged heart, I realized that if anything positive was accomplished at the conference, it would simply be because God made it happen. It would have nothing to do with my skill as a writer. Thankfully, God did do some amazing things at the conference. I even left with more than one editor interested in signing a contract with me. Yet because of that first meeting, I know it's because God was at work. It had nothing to do with me.
I learned a valuable lesson because of this experience: I am a nobody. In fact, we all are. It's not because of sickness, our lack of money, or our lack of success. When measuring ourselves against the standard of who God is, we are all inadequate and inferior. Yet when we look to God, we then become somebody. So to all the nobodies reading this I ask, "Have you turned to only One who says you're somebody?" If you haven't, I encourage you to run to God. He may not make you rich and famous, but when God says you're somebody it won't matter what anyone else says, because in the end, God's opinion is the only one that counts.
"All who are led by God’s Spirit are God’s sons and daughters. You didn’t receive a spirit of slavery to lead you back again into fear, but you received a Spirit that shows you are adopted as His children. With this Spirit, we cry, “Abba, Father.” The same Spirit agrees with our spirit, that we are God’s children.But if we are children, we are also heirs. We are God’s heirs and fellow heirs with Christ, if we really suffer with Him so that we can also be glorified with Him." ~ Romans 8:14-17 (CEB)
(c) May 30, 2012
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