I have a confession to make. I am a perfectionist. That's right. I was the kid in school who got upset if she got a B on her report card. But it's hard to be a perfectionist when you're sick. This is probably why it took me six years to finish college. Between working my way through school and trying to have the highest grade possible, I worked myself into the ground and had to keep taking semesters off to recuperate.
One would think I'd have learned my lesson by now. To be honest, I thought I had. My perfectionist tendencies had to leave when I became deathly sick three years ago. Because of this, I thought they had gone for good, but as it turns out, they only went into hiding. They never really left. They stayed in the shadows until I began to heal. It was last week I realized they had just been biding their time, waiting for me to recover.
One would think I'd have learned my lesson by now. To be honest, I thought I had. My perfectionist tendencies had to leave when I became deathly sick three years ago. Because of this, I thought they had gone for good, but as it turns out, they only went into hiding. They never really left. They stayed in the shadows until I began to heal. It was last week I realized they had just been biding their time, waiting for me to recover.
My health has slowly been improving over the last few months. It's quite exciting, to tell the truth. I don't know how much I will improve, but already I have been able to do more in the past two months than I have in the entire past year. But rather than being thankful for what God has done, I found myself upset because I wasn't able to do as much as I had hoped. It took me being sick last Wednesday to realize just how far I've come and how much I should be praising and thanking God.
Honestly, I almost didn't write a blog last week. I didn't feel well and my mental clarity was missing in action, a common problem with lupus. My perfectionist self didn't want to post a blog because I knew there were mistakes in my writing that my mind couldn't catch at the time. Yet God convicted me to do my best and leave the rest up to Him. The funny thing is I got one of the largest responses on last week's blog than I ever have before, and I realize now that God doesn't need me to be perfect in order for Him to use me. It's the exact opposite. Having weaknesses and flaws mean God can use me more because I need Him to do what I cannot. So for the past seven days, I have worked extremely hard to cut myself some slack when I can't accomplish everything I would like to do and to be thankful for the chance God has given me each day to do something for Him, even if it seems small to me. I can think of no greater time in the year to work to be thankful for all the many blessings in my life.
I know many like me who struggle to be thankful when an illness or frustrating circumstance comes in the way of them accomplishing all they want to in a day. But what I have learned is God is the only One who is a true perfectionist. Being sick just means we have a greater opportunity for God to use us because we know we have limitations and need God's help. So my challenge to you today is to work to be thankful for everything - even the days when you can do nothing but lie on a couch and rest. God allows everything to happen for a reason, and He can use even the worst of days for His glory.
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a way of life." ~ Elisabeth Elliot
(c) November 9, 2011
Honestly, I almost didn't write a blog last week. I didn't feel well and my mental clarity was missing in action, a common problem with lupus. My perfectionist self didn't want to post a blog because I knew there were mistakes in my writing that my mind couldn't catch at the time. Yet God convicted me to do my best and leave the rest up to Him. The funny thing is I got one of the largest responses on last week's blog than I ever have before, and I realize now that God doesn't need me to be perfect in order for Him to use me. It's the exact opposite. Having weaknesses and flaws mean God can use me more because I need Him to do what I cannot. So for the past seven days, I have worked extremely hard to cut myself some slack when I can't accomplish everything I would like to do and to be thankful for the chance God has given me each day to do something for Him, even if it seems small to me. I can think of no greater time in the year to work to be thankful for all the many blessings in my life.
I know many like me who struggle to be thankful when an illness or frustrating circumstance comes in the way of them accomplishing all they want to in a day. But what I have learned is God is the only One who is a true perfectionist. Being sick just means we have a greater opportunity for God to use us because we know we have limitations and need God's help. So my challenge to you today is to work to be thankful for everything - even the days when you can do nothing but lie on a couch and rest. God allows everything to happen for a reason, and He can use even the worst of days for His glory.
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a way of life." ~ Elisabeth Elliot
(c) November 9, 2011
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