By Josie Siler

When I was a kid I used to play a game with my big brother involving rubber bands and fingers. You’ve probably played it too. You take a rubber band, loop it around your thumb, and hook it around your pointer finger. Aim at your sibling, drop your thumb, and – SNAP! The rubber band shoots across the room looking for an eye to poke out.
 
Of course this is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. It’s one of those great games that often ended in a big fight. There was another problem with this game. You just can’t trust a rubber band. There were times when I stretched the band so far that it broke, injuring myself instead of my brother.
 
The key to the game was to get the tension just right. Too little tension and it wouldn’t go far, too much and it would break. This took the right sized rubber band, a steady hand, and no shortage of bravery.
 
You know, sometimes I feel like that rubber band. I feel as if I’m living in a land of tension, being pulled thin and about to burst forth into my future, yet being held back by the thumb of God.

“Not yet,” He says. “Wait for iiiiiiiit…” He whispers, with a smirk on His face.
 
I know that God isn’t cruel. He’s not smirking because He enjoys tormenting me. He’s smirking because He sees the bigger picture. He knows what comes next and when the perfect time is to let me loose so I can shoot across the room and hit my target.
 
Life is full of tension. God’s Word is full of tension. It’s a balance of now, but not yet. It can be infuriating! But it’s also beautiful. I’ve discovered three keys to living in the tension of a rubber band life.
 
First, we must trust. We must trust that God knows what He’s doing and that He knows what’s best. We must trust His timing, and most importantly, we must trust Him. We don’t trust people we don’t know, so in order to trust God we need to get to know Him. We do this by talking to Him and reading the Book He wrote for us, the Bible. 

Second, we must believe. We must believe God’s promises to us, and we must believe that He will keep those promises. There are literally thousands of promises in the Bible. Do you believe them?
 
Third, we must hope. Hope is such a glorious word. According to Merriam-Webster, “hope” means “to cherish a desire with anticipation.” It also means “to expect with confidence” – a definition which links back to the word “trust.”
 
When we trust and believe God, we can confidently expect Him to fulfill His promises to us. Promises such as:
 
And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20, NLT)
 
Whatever you ask in My name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it. (John 14:13-14, ESV)
 
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27, ESV)
 
There are so many promises of God. Look them up, discover them for yourself, and treasure them! (Remember to keep God’s Word in context, read several verses before and after the promise to make sure you understand what God’s saying.)
 
When we remember to trust, believe, and hope, we can cherish our desires with anticipation. We can be confident that God will answer our prayers asked in His Name because He is faithful. This is more than adding, “In Jesus’ Name, Amen” to our prayer for a million dollars. These are prayers that align with God’s heart and His Word. These, my friends, are prayers we can cherish and eagerly look forward to being answered in God’s perfect timing.
 
I know it’s hard to wait, to live in the tension of a rubber band life. But it’s worth it. Oh the joy that will come when our patience and faithfulness has been rewarded! One day all will be made right. One day God will drop His thumb and we’ll fly through the air to the future He has for us.
 
I don’t know what that will look like for any of us. Maybe we’ll land in the lap of our future spouse, maybe we’ll land in the doctor’s office with a miraculous clean bill of health, or maybe our destination will be the lap of Jesus as we enter into the joy of Heaven.
 
We have a grand future to look forward to, but we also have today. We can’t ignore today because we’re too busy waiting for the future. After all, today was the future last month! Each day is another day God has given us to be alive, worship, and glorify Him.
 
When it comes down to it, I don’t know much – but I do know this: God is in control, He is good, and His timing is perfect. Do you trust Him? Do you believe Him? Will you choose to live a life of hope?

By Erin Elizabeth Austin

Have you ever been bone-tired, sigh-worthy, weary to the depths of your soul? I think we all get like this at one point or another. This is even truer for those living with a chronic illness or the caregiver of someone who is sick.

I was reminded of this the other week when I was playing with my nephews. For those who don’t know, I have three wild, very rambunctious nephews who are my pride and joy. Nothing brings me greater joy than being fun Aunt Erin, so I do my best to play with them whenever I get the chance, but that’s not always easy when you live with three chronic illnesses.

My nephews are incredibly understanding when it comes to my needing to take a break from playing and resting for a moment. But that doesn’t change the fact that I try to be as active as I can with them. I don’t want their memories of me to be sitting on a couch and watching TV. So we go outside, play ball, water games, and even the occasional game of tag. Of all the games my nephews like to play, nothing wears me out more than trying to catch three wild monkeys racing around the yard. It never takes long for me to start huffing and puffing like an out of shape asthmatic dragon. And without fail, whenever the boys return home after visiting, I immediately crash. My energy reserves are gone, and not even a huge chocolate bar and 16-ounce cup of coffee will make me get off my couch.

Just as we can become physically exhausted, we can also become this way emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Personally, I’ve experienced this several times over the past thirteen years of living with lupus, Crohns, and fibromyalgia. It’s easy to become soul weary when you’re fighting a daily battle like an illness. When our defenses are down physically, it’s easy to become lackadaisical and apathetic towards life. Life becomes common, and we can quickly lose the desire to persevere. In essence, we become stuck.  

The Jews experienced this during the time leading up to Jesus’ birth. From the days of Malachi until Jesus was born, the Israelites endured 400 years of silence from God. Although He didn’t abandon them, He also didn’t communicate with them. And as time went on, more and more people gave up hope the long awaited Messiah would ever come. They became weary.

More often than not, we too become weary and give up hope God will ever intervene in our lives. We think because He doesn’t operate in our timetable or answer our prayers the way we want, that He doesn’t care. We give up hope of things ever changing in our lives. Yet we miss so much when we do this. Because we allow ourselves to give up, we miss seeing God at work. 

Although becoming weary is understandable, it makes us become self-absorbed. We become so focused on ourselves, we are unable to see God’s miraculous power at work in our lives. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why God is silent in our lives is because we aren’t allowing Him to communicate with us. Think about it. When Christ was finally born, the majority of Israel missed it. There were signs that something huge had happened, but other than a few shepherds, wise men, and Simeon and Anna, no one knew the Savior had come. They were the only ones paying attention.

In Luke 2:25 we are told Simeon was in the temple waiting to see the Savior because God had promised him he would. Every time I read this, I’m amazed by the faith Simeon had to have. By all outward appearances God wasn’t working. Yet Simeon chose to cling to the promise God made, and God was faithful. Christ would have come even if Simeon had given up, but think of the blessing he would have missed!

The same can be said for us. No matter what is happening in our lives, no matter how dismal things appear, God is always at work. He doesn’t abandon us in our time of need, but we have to hold on and not give up, no matter how weary we may be. We are not left to our own devices when problems come. We have a Savior! He is waiting with open arms for you and me.

​Can you see Him? Are you paying attention?

By Josie Siler

I’ve just been to my mailbox and what I find there causes me to flash back to my childhood.
 
I find myself sitting in a tiny little chair in a big dark room. Some lights are on, but the walls are a dark wood and the floor is covered in dark brown carpet with lighter brown stripes. It is time for chapel at the Christian elementary school I attend and I can’t help but squirm in my little chair and giggle with my friends as our teacher tries to shush us.
 
But then the music starts. I can’t sing worth a lick, but as the others start singing, my off-tune little voice joins in as I belt out the words to one of my favorite songs, “Jehovah-Jireh.”
 
I make sure the bigger kids sitting behind me are singing louder than I am, and get lost in the lyrics. I take comfort in the words and know that everything is going to be okay because God is my provider and He cares for me.
 
I snap out of my flashback as the words to “Jehovah-Jireh” continue to run through my mind. I set the bill that just came in the mail on my kitchen counter, grab my car keys, and say a prayer as I head to work. I don’t yet know how God will provide, but I know that He will.
 
Even knowing that, it’s easy to let the fear and the worry creep in. As I drive to work I remind myself of all of the other times God has provided for my needs. I smile as I remember the time someone I had just met gave me a check for the exact amount of money I had to pay in rent that night – money I didn’t have and didn’t know how I was going to get.
 
God provided.
 
God has provided for me more times that I can recall. He seems to enjoy coming through at the very last moment and saving the day. I think He does it this way so there is no doubt in my mind that He is the one who has provided, but don’t just take my word for it. God’s Word is filled with stories of His provision. “Jehovah-Jireh,” the name of the song from my childhood, is also a Name of God. We find it in the book of Genesis when God tested Abraham.
 
God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. God wanted to see if Abraham would withhold the one thing he loved most in the world or if he would surrender his son to God. Hebrews 11:17-19 (ESV) gives us a glimpse into Abraham’s thoughts during this difficult test.

Abraham trusted God so much that he was confident that God would intervene. What faith!
 
God did indeed spare Isaac. Abraham bound Isaac and laid him on the altar to the Lord. He took the knife in his hand but an angel of the Lord stopped him. Genesis 22:11-12 (NASB) says, “…the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’ He said, ‘Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.’”
 
God came through at the very last moment and saved the day. He not only saved Isaac, He provided a substitute sacrifice so that Abraham and Isaac could worship Him together. Genesis 22:13-14 says:

Jehovah-Jireh, The Lord Will Provide.
 
This isn’t just about Abraham and Isaac; it’s about all of us. Isaac is a picture of Jesus. Just like God provided a ram to save Isaac, He also provided His Son Jesus to save all of humanity. Jesus died in our place, to save us.
 
God is in the business of saving people. It’s what He does. It’s what He’s all about. He saves us and He provides for us because He loves us.
 
No matter what trial you are facing right now, know that God knows. Allow it to make you more like Jesus. Use it to develop perseverance and patience. Keep trusting, no matter what!

By Josie Siler

I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Spinning and spinning, yet going nowhere. I’m constantly busy, as busy as I can be while feeling so sick, yet my to-do lists never seem to get shorter. I get to the end of the day and wonder what I’ve been working on all day and why I am so tired.

I’m weary. Bonetired, soul-drained, brain-fatigued, weary.
 
You know where I am, right? You’ve been there too, I know. This place of weary frustration where you want to throw the towel in. Quit. Yell, “That’s it. I’ve had enough!” Stomp your feet, beat your pillow, curl up into a little ball, and cry.
 
This place isn’t a destination for cowards.
 
But you’re no coward and neither am I. We’ve been here before. We know that our journey may stall out here for a time, but it’s not our final destination. There are better days ahead. 

So we hold on. We wait, we pray, we sleep when we can, we listen to music, and we hold off making any major life decisions.
 
We know that things will soon look different. Maybe even tomorrow morning we’ll open our eyes and the light will have found its way to us. It will start to warm our dry bones and fill our broken hearts.
 
While we wait for that day to come, we cling to the truths we learned during brighter days. We remember that God is good. We remember that He knows what deep suffering feels like. We remember that He cares about us intimately. We trust that He will bring beauty to us even in the darkness.
 
God’s Word is truth, and it is there where we find comfort for our souls and the precious gift of hope. May these verses encourage you and bless you, my friend. God is with you!

“I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. … The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer.” -Psalm 6:6, 9 (ESV)
 
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He ​​gives power to the faint, and to Him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:28-31
 
“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” -Jeremiah 31:24
 
“The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them.” -Psalm 145:14-19
 
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” -2 Corinthians 1:3-5
 
 “But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” -Psalm 73:28
 
“Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father's Son, in truth and love.” -2 John 1:3

“I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together! I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them.” -Psalm 34:1-7

“And He said, ‘My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.’” -Exodus 33:14

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10

​I leave you with a song I heard this week when I needed it most. I was reminded that no matter how difficult life gets, God is my constant. I need Him, and I love Him. 

By Josie Siler

My feet crunched on the rocky path that wound through the valley as I contemplated the mysterious embrace of a dense fog; and that’s when it happened – I fell into a pit. It wasn’t a pretty fall either; it was a face first nose dive into a deep, dark hole filled with all sorts of creepy-crawlies that wanted to eat me alive.

I stumbled to my feet and assessed the situation. I tried to remember those glorious days spent at the top of the mountain, but the effort was like trying to capture the fog between my fingers. Was I really on the mountaintop just a few short weeks ago? Maybe, like the fog, it was a dream or a deception.

Was the fog there for me to enjoy its beauty or was it there to blind me to the pit? Is it foe or friend? I’m not sure, but I know this pit is the last place I want to be, and the fog brought me here.

I shake my head, trying to jog loose the mental cobwebs, as well as the real cobwebs I can feel clinging to my face. Ugh! A shudder races up my spine as I try not to imagine what the inside of the pit looks like. For this moment, I am thankful for the darkness.

At the same time, I long for the light. My memory is clear and I know that my time on the mountaintop was real. It’s dark in the pit. Still, I close my eyes and remember the light I saw from the mountain. Bright and clear, I could feel its rays on my closed eyelids. A warmth begins to embrace me as I remember the peace I felt high above life’s challenges and struggles.

I don’t want to open my eyes because I know nothing will have changed. I’ll still be stuck in a cold dark pit with no way out. Something has to change. I have to be brave.

I will myself to open my eyes. The pit is still dark, but I am at peace. I’m reminded of the words of King David of old. “I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along (Psalm 40:1-2, ESV).”

If God could lift David out of the pit, He can lift me out of my pit too. I know this, yet the darkness is so strong and the creepy-crawlies nip at my ankles. I know it won’t be long before they get a taste for me and devour my flesh.

I have to make a decision. I can’t go on doing nothing, standing in fear, hoping I will be rescued. God help me. I can’t, I just can’t Lord.

I don’t have the words to cry out to God, but He hears my soul’s cry. The warmth of His peace wraps around my heart and begins to thaw the fear.

He gives me courage to cry out for help.

He sends a friend to call down into the pit and ask if I’m okay.

He gives me the courage to answer honestly. I’m hurt and I need help.

He reminds me I’m not alone. My hand brushes my pocket and I feel my phone. That’s it! I call out and let others know I’m stuck in a pit and ask for help.

I notice the creepy-crawlies have left my ankles alone. The fog is lifting and light is seeping into my pit. I look up and see concerned faces circling the pit, arms reaching down to pull me out.

It’s too far, I can’t reach their grasps.

What’s this? I feel the Lord lifting me up, up to the arms of my friends and family. Hands grab me and pull me out of the pit and into their waiting embraces.

They were there for me all along, but it was too dark to see them. They weren’t the only ones there.

A strong hand grasps me around the shoulders. He makes sure my feet are set on solid ground and He steadies me as I continue on my walk through the valley.

The fog has melted away and the rocky path is straight. I’m not afraid anymore. I know I will make it through this valley because I’m not alone. I was never alone, but I made the mistake of thinking the valley was the most difficult part. The pit took me by surprise.

There may be more pits in this valley, but now I know how to get out. And now you, my friend, know how to get out as well. If you find yourself tipped headlong into a pit, remember that you’re not alone. Wait patiently for the Lord to help you; let your heart cry out to Him. Reach past the fear and tell someone you’ve fallen in a pit. Ask for help and be amazed at what the Lord will do. 

By Josie Siler

It was only a couple of Christmases ago when I was in a dangerous place and needed the Lord to save me. I was not doing well physically. My weight had dropped to about 90 pounds and I was in pain. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me or why I was losing so much weight so quickly. I went through test after test to no avail. Finally, I was put on Prednisone and sent home to see if that would help. It did help me start to gain weight, but it also affected my state of mind.

At the time I was living in an apartment with two dear friends who worked during the day. I had about had it with life and I was afraid that in my altered state of mind I would do something that couldn’t be undone. As the days stretched on I would lie in my bed and think about ending it all. So I went home to stay with my parents and get slobbery kisses from our bulldog.

A short while ago my dad told me that during that time he thought that I went home to die. Little did he know that I went home so I wouldn’t kill myself.

At that point in my life I wasn’t healthy enough emotionally to tell anyone how bad it was. People knew I was sick and in pain, but nobody knew that I had thoughts of suicide. But God knew, so I silently cried out to Him. I needed Him to save me.

We’ve been going through what I call The Madman Series. We’ve been taking a close look at Psalm 34, King David’s song of celebration after God delivers him from a dangerous situation. His life was in grave danger and he pretended to be crazy so that the king who would take his life let him go instead. It’s a Psalm of praise and a Psalm of instruction. David shows us, by his own example, how to live a life that honors God in the midst of suffering.

A couple of weeks ago we looked at a madman’s desire to see good and what role we have to play in seeing good here on earth. As we continue our journey, we’re going to study the words of this madman that we know to be a very sane David, King of Israel. In Psalm 34:15-18 (ESV) we read about a madman’s Savior.

Read that again if you need to. Take special note of what God does in these verses. He fixes His eyes and His ears toward the righteous. He sees you. He hears you. He is against those who seek to do evil, but when the righteous cry for help, He hears them. He delivers them. He hears you. He will deliver you. He is near to you, and He will save you.

In the midst of your brokenness, when your spirit is crushed, and when your every hope has failed, know this: God is there. He is nearer to you than your next breath and He will save you. He will save you, just as He saved me.

A few years ago I could not imagine a better life. I thought my life was over and I was ready to end it myself. But God saved me and He is healing me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, He is healing me.

The Lord saved King David, He saved me, and He can save you. Cry out to Him; that’s all you need to do. Cry out to Him today and He will save you. When you run out of faith, I will have faith for you because I know that my God keeps His promises and will come through for you.

“But— When God our Savior revealed His kindness and love, He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of His grace He declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.” ~Titus 3:4-7 (NLT)

© January 6, 2015

By Josie Siler

Have you ever been in a situation so terrifying that you knew the only way out was going to be if God delivered you? I think we have all been there at one time or another on our journey with chronic illness. It could have been when you were in the hospital fighting for your life while doctors looked on helplessly, or maybe you watched your child, parent, or friend suffer while you watched, painfully aware that there was nothing you could do except pray.  Sometimes these situations end up being the cause of great celebration when God answers our prayers and heals us or our loved one, but sometimes, it doesn’t turn out the way we prayed and we are left wondering why God has abandoned us.

Psalm 34 is David’s song of celebration after God delivers him from a dangerous situation. It is also full of instructions on how to live a life that honors God, even when things don’t go the way we want. As we continue our journey, taking a closer look at Psalm 34, we’re going to study the words of this madman whom we know to be a very sane David, King of Israel.

Last week we talked about a madman’s worship and how we can choose to worship God at all times. Today, we are going to look at a madman’s deliverance. Psalm 34:4-7 (ESV) reads:

David was terrified he was going to be killed by the king with whom he went to seek refuge, so he pretended to be insane. Because the king thinks he’s a madman, he lets him go. We can learn much from David’s response. When he was afraid, he sought the Lord. He looked to God first for deliverance – and God was faithful. It is very important to note here that David isn’t praising God for delivering him from danger; he is praising Him for delivering him from all his fears.

If I look back at my own life, there are times when I thought God didn’t answer my prayers. However, that wasn’t the case. In each of those scary situations, God did deliver me from my fears. He gave me peace and joy in Him. And that’s exactly what David says happens next. If you look to God in the midst of your terror and ask Him to deliver you from your fear, He will do it. When He does, you can’t help but be radiant; your face is peaceful instead of ashamed. So cry out to the Lord. He will hear you, and He will save you out of all your troubles.

You may wonder how God can save you from all your troubles but not answer your prayers as you would like. This is a valid question and one that is difficult to answer. I can say from my own experiences that sometimes our troubles are the very things that save us. Take chronic illness for example. There is no way I would wish this on anyone. It’s horrible. I’ve asked God to take it away, yet here I sit, still sick. Amazingly, God is slowly healing my body, but more important than that, He’s healing my heart. God has saved my soul a thousand times over through chronic illness. The things I have learned from Him because of this I could not have learned any other way. The intimacy which has developed between God and me could not have happened any other way. Illness is my terror; it is also what God is using to deliver me.

We end today with a reminder that the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear God, and he delivers them. Just think, when we’re in the midst of the most difficult trial, there is an angel encamped around us. We must shift our fear of a situation to fearing the Person of God. If we can do this, our world will change. Fearing God isn’t like fearing man or any earthly thing. Fearing God means standing in awe of Him and His power. It’s like looking at Niagara Falls. It’s awe-inspiring, mighty, powerful, beautiful, and a little terrifying. You feel like a speck on the earth when you look at it. So should it be with God. We know His power, but we also know His love.

It’s important to remember that we can’t see things as God sees them. We only see part of the picture. God sees everything, and He knows what is best. This is where faith comes in. Will you trust Him, even when you don’t understand His ways? Will you allow God to deliver you from your fears today?

© November 11, 2014

By Kathy Sebright

Ever had that vague feeling of déjà vu, like you’ve been here, done this, and seen all of this before? Have you ever stared in the mirror for so long your own reflection didn’t make sense, or have you ever wondered what has happened to you – to whom you used to be and to your entire life? Have you ever been caught in the swirling vortex of emptiness, the desperation surrounding you like black does a night, the hope that life will ever be better completely out of reach?  Have you ever been so hopeless you wonder what the point is anymore?

I have sat wide-eyed, clutching my sanity by a very thin thread. I have, at times, let everything good in me be extinguished by the pain I was in. I have been hopeless, desperate, anxious, and so full of fear for what lies ahead I have forgotten how to live. It’s a cycle, a long, hard, exhausting cycle that I’ve been trying to break free of ever since my son was first diagnosed. It ebbs and flows, some days I can conquer the world and other days I am reduced to a pile on the floor. I can go from feeling capable and strong to helplessly out of control. I can feel strong in my faith and feel God’s plan for my family one minute and the next minute rage at a God who could allow my baby boy to suffer so much. The struggle is constantly changing me, chipping off more of the old me and exposing more of the true me underneath. It’s a painful process, one that leaves me feeling vulnerable and raw at the end of the day. I was just like everyone else, until suddenly I wasn’t. My son was just like everyone else, until suddenly he wasn’t. I never signed up for this. I never checked the box for optional yet honorable suffering on the release forms when I took my baby home from the hospital. It blindsided me. It came running after me and no matter what I did, I could not escape it. I went down kicking and screaming, fighting this monster I couldn’t see or predict. It didn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t escape it. This was going to be our new life.

There’s a lie being circulated out there about caregivers, about parents of special needs children, and really about anyone that has ever been broken apart in two and had to find a way to carry on. The lie is that God only gives you what you can handle, and I don’t believe it for a second. I’ve lived it. I know I had way more than I could handle. I’ve been crushed under a burden I couldn’t move on my own. I have fallen apart and been put back together again, the pieces of my broken heart precariously glued in place, but I can tell you it wasn’t on my own. I didn’t handle it; God did. I couldn’t put myself back together; God did. I couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel; God knew. I couldn’t love God; God loved me anyhow. When I was at my most broken and hopeless, screaming like a wounded animal, God was there. When I was crawling up the wall, desperate for a way out, God was there. When I was sitting in the hospital, time after time, God was there. God was always there; I just had to be willing to see Him. He didn’t want me to do it on my own. He wanted me to trust Him, to rely on Him, and to believe Him. I spent a long time refusing to do just that, sure that God had turned His back on my family. When there was nowhere else to turn, I turned back the way I came, back towards the God that had always been there despite my erratic behavior. 

When you are struggling and I mean really, desperately struggling, God can get easily washed out in the pain. There is a wall that goes up in between who you used to be and who you are now. For me, God was on the other side of that wall. “I’ve been here before,” I’d think. “I’ve done all of this before, and I’ve seen it all before.” It was all a part of the process. Up, down, and back again – the never ending cycle of change.

If you are in the middle of that tumultuous cycle, I grieve with you. I know the pain you are in. I pray for peace as you transition into this life that doesn’t make sense. I know God has given you more than you can handle, and I won’t tell you everything will be okay because I don’t know if it really will. I will tell you that whatever happens, there is always God, even when you don’t feel Him, even when you don’t see Him, and even when you desperately want Him to not be there. You can always go back home to God. You can always turn back around. God will be there whenever you are ready to see Him again.

“And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” ~ 2 Corinthians 1:7

© August 21, 2014

By Josie Siler

I don’t know what it is about cars that make us feel the need to give them a name. After all, we typically don’t name our refrigerators, televisions, lawn mowers, or other such items. I’m as guilty as the rest of you car-naming people out there! My car’s name is Elroy. No, he’s not named after the boy on the Jetsons. He’s actually named after one of the names of God.

Now, before you start thinking I’m an irreverent nut job, let me explain. A few years ago I was driving a Jeep that belonged to my parents. It was getting more and more difficult for me to get in and out of the Wrangler and I knew it was time for something different. Just when I needed it most, God miraculously provided me with a fabulous new vehicle to drive. It’s easy to get in and out of, it gets much better gas mileage, and it’s just fun to drive! When it came time to name this car, I wanted to name it something that would help me remember God’s provision and love for me.

I was reminded of Hagar’s encounter with God in Genesis 16. There’s a lot of back story here, but basically, God promised a son to Abram (Abraham) and Sarai (Sarah). They got tired of waiting and took matters into their own hands. Sarah gave Abraham her servant Hagar, who quickly conceived. Naturally, there was a lot of tension, jealousy, and anger between Sarah and Hagar. Sarah was so harsh that the pregnant Hagar fled. An angel found her and spoke to her. This is the account of Hagar’s encounter with the Lord, found in Genesis 16:11-14 (NLT).

By Josie Siler

Today the field that meets my backyard was being prepared for planting. I loved watching the soil get turned up and changed from a dull brown to a deep earthy brown. The path the tractor took was clear as the lines of dark brown got closer and closer until finally the entire field was turned over and ready for planting. Soon, new life will be peaking out of the evenly spaced rows and I’ll get to watch them grow into a bountiful harvest for the farmer.

Sometimes I feel like that dry, dusty field just sitting there waiting for the season to change. I’ve always loved the verse in Matthew that talks about the harvest being plentiful and the workers being few. This is widely known as a “missions verse” and it was one of the verses that motivated me to get my Intercultural Studies and Master of Arts degrees and go through the Consecration process with my denomination in preparation of being a missionary.

I have to admit, there are times I feel guilty for abandoning this call of missions on my life. Now I KNOW that my call has not changed; what has changed is the way it is being fulfilled. My life isn’t what I imagined it to be, but it’s good. God is bringing to completion the dreams He laid on my heart so many years ago. I find it amusing (when I’m in the right mood) that my dreams are being fulfilled in God’s perfect way, a way that is so different from what I imagined. I shouldn’t be surprised this is how God works! He just wants a willing heart. Once He has that, He will use you to accomplish His plans in His own special way.

Today I looked up that verse in Matthew again and what struck me was not the “missions verse” I know so well, but the words that come right before it. In the New American Standard Bible, Matthew 9:36-38 says:

Seeing the people, He [Jesus] felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.”

When we feel like that dry, dusty field, Jesus has compassion on us. He sees our distress and He knows we are dispirited and feel lost. We’re wandering around like lost sheep, but the incredible news is that Jesus is our Good Shepherd! No matter how far we’ve wandered off, He will find us. In John 10:14-15 (ESV) Jesus tells us, “I am the good shepherd. I know My own and My own know me, just as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep.”

Your life probably doesn’t look like you imagined. Sickness can steal many things. It can try to steal our hopes and dreams, but we can put up a fight! How do we do this? We give God our heart. We give Him our heart and our lives when we accept His gift of salvation and decide to love and follow Him. We can give God our heart by loving Him, but we also need to give Him our willing heart - a heart that desires to do and be all that He dreamed for us.

I believe God gave us our hopes and dreams for a reason. The dream of being a missionary made me take many steps I wouldn’t have taken without that dream. That dream made me the person I am today and prepared me for the ways God is using me today. I don’t think we have to give up our dreams, but I do think we need to give up our expectations. We need to give our dreams back to God and ask Him to fulfill them however He sees best. Sometimes He will give us back a new dream and other times He will fulfill our dreams in ways that we can’t begin to imagine.

Will you follow the Good Shepherd wherever He takes you? Will you let Him turn your dry, dusty field into a field ready for planting? God wants to reap a bountiful harvest from your life. Will you let Him, in His own special way?

© May 7, 2014